Episode #??: Sept 26

Red Eye starts as soon as I find my talcum powder. Damn this infernal chafing.

Welcome to Red Eye it's like All My Children but without the children.

INTROS:

Courtney Friel, if beauty were a bookcase I'd screw her against the wall.

Bill Schulz, my grotesque sidekick.

Kira Soltanovich, if hilarity were the SATs, all of her holes would be correctly filled.

Andrew Levy, if sarcasm were sign language, I'd do him with my hands.

Dr. Marc Lamont Hill, if brains were a fishing pond, I'd sink my rod in him.

To the greg-alogue, it's freshly squeezed.

Andy likes to enslave illegals with his good friend Angela Lansbery. (Andy: "ABery don't like to pay for housekeeping, yo.")

RE-INTROS:

Courtney Friel, if beauty were a heat rash, she'd be between my legs.

Kira Soltanovich, if hilarity were a den closet, I'd stick my bowling trophies inside her.

Dawn Yanek, a magazine I enjoy reading while combing the lice out of Bill's hair.

Dr. Marc Lamont Hill, if brains were a donkey, I would ride that ass.