10/22/2007

aired 10/5/07

Red Eye starts as soon as I finish my knitting. Wool thongs don't itch, do they?

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Friday Night Lights, but we skip right to the showers.

INTROS:

Will Durst, if hilarity were a crossword puzzle, I'd do him on a toilet.

Bill Schulz, my grotesque sidekick.

Drew Curtis, if incisive commentary were an electric fan, I'd let him blow me in hot weather.

Anna Gilligan, if beauty and talent were a keg, I'd tap her at a party and share her with friends.

Kimberly Bell, if sexiness were a carousel we'd all wait in line to ride her.

Andrew likes to cut the brake cables of school buses with his good friend Peter Falk (Andy: CBo don't like whiny little brats, Greg)

RE-INTROS:

Will Durst, if with and wisdom were my nose he'd be sitting on my face.

Drew Curtis, if brains were a delightful breakfast I'd eat him in bed.

Noelle Hancock, if beauty were a broken vending machine I'd bang her until she gave me what I wanted.

Sprague Grayden, if sexiness were a Matzo ball, I'd eat her on Passover

Debra Weeks, if hot video were chocolate syrup I would squirt her all over my body.


3 comments:

Amarsir said...

Hey Alison, do you have one of these intros that would apply to the show itself? I'd love to be able to reference the show itself with one:

Red Eye - if comedy were X, this show would Y.

Unfortunately, anything I try ends up missing the target and playing on the speaker, not the show. Also, I'm not funny. And stealing a real intro doesn't seem to work since they're phrased for people, not objects.

So if you have a line, I'd love to be able to reference the show to people by framing it with the appropriate joke.

rabiddogg said...

Welcome to Red Eye. Its like being Touched by an Angel... A Hell's Angel...
--or--
Welcome to Red Eye. Its like being Touched by an Angel only we are not angels

Ted the basement manager said...

Allison,

If you wrote this one...very funny!

Red Eye starts as soon as I finish my knitting. Wool thongs don't itch, do they?
---

How about Red Eye starts as soon as I finish my Rubik's Cube....Oh hell with it I'll never finish my Rubik's Cube.

Red Eye, its like Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories, only a stickier of an icky.

Red Eye, its like getting crabs only theres no medicine to stop the itch. Just ask Bill...