Episode: ?? Date ??

(Note: someday I will get episode numbers and dates. Today is not that day.)

Red Eye starts as soon as I smear this tub of apple butter all over my chest. Oh, like you never tried it.

Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Lou Dobbs without the granny panties.

INTROS:

Anna Gilligan... if beauty were groceries I'd bag her and put her in my trunk.

Bill Schulz, he's not allowed in pet shops.

Amanda Carpenter... a blog I like to read while scraping bone fragments off my boots.

Ralphie May... if jokes sneakers I'd wiggle my toes inside him.

Pat Monahan... if dreaminess were a swing I'd ride him with my legs him in the air.

To the Greg-alogue, pants are half off!

Down to the newsroom where we find Andrew Levy. Andrew likes to drown postman with his good friend Gabe Kaplan.

RE-INTROS:

Anna Gilliagan... If beauty were a basketball I would bounce her up and down and throw her over my head.

Shira Lazar... she has more scoops than 31 flavors and her cones aren't so bad either.

Ralphie May... if hilarity were a baby I'd probably leave him in a sweletering car.

Pat Monahan... if talent were a tongue depressor I'd sound funny with him in my mouth.