so smart he's never messed up a game of simon says in his life, not even when he was in preschool!
so smart he was taking AP classes in pre-school
so smart his neck literally aches from holding up his ginormous head
so smart that if this were a movie they'd have to get a computer to play him
so smart that he's never lost a game of computer chess
so smart that people would kill to wear his thinking cap
so smart that he can tell time without consulting a watch, clock or other timepiece
so smart that he does quantum physics for fun
so smart that he smells like raw brainpower
so smart that he reads the dictionary for fun. his favorite letter is B
so smart that he is to intelligence as turtles are to slowness
so smart that he is to intelligence as the guy in my basement (guy I have tied up in my basement) is to not going anywhere-ness
so smart that he does word problems for fun while traveling on a train going West at 70 miles an hour while his brother travels by bus going the opposite direction at 60 miles an hour.
so smart she aced all her finals and all her friends finals
so smart she knows the difference between brads, binder clips, thumbtacks and push pins
so smart he never gets papercuts or hangnails
so smart that his friends call those candies smarties, [guest name]-ies
so smart that ancient sailors used to use nothing more than his mind and a compass to guide their ships to safety
so smart that he actually knows what a stitch in time saves nine means, and he's been applying it to his sewing endeavors for years now
so smart that his pen pals include Stephen Hawking, Father time, a dolphin and yoda
so smart that yoda considers him a mentor
so smart that he's smarter than a guru sandwich with brilliant pickles and shaman sauce served with a side of brainiac chips
He's so smart that he's qualified to give tours in 6 major urban markets including Boston, Chicago and Big Sur
He's so smart that if I ever went on Who Wants to be a Millionaire I would ask him to be my lifeline
He's so smart that he's currently in talks to become the eighth natural wonder of the world
So smart he knows the sine, cosine and tangent of every angle in his house and he doesn't even use a protractor
So smart he knew where babies came from before the stork even delivered him
So smart he eats his dinner on a multiplication table
So smart that in the case of a blackout or emergency you could harness his mental output until help came
So smart that his brain actually gives off heat
So smart that he can crack any code or combination lock
So smart that he can crack any code including morse
So smart his brain could power a small dingy (a yacht or schooner? A cruiseship?)
So smart that he can say the alphabet backwards (and parallel park) even when he's totally drunk! (totally wasted!)
So smart that he never loses a game of Jenga
So smart that he never forgets to put his appliances on timers when he goes on vacation
So smart that he figured out the plots to Citizen Kane, Fight Club and Sixth Sense just from watching the trailers
So smart that if I dedicated a book to her it would say "this book is dedicated to [guest name]. Thank you for being so smart."
So smart that he never burns his mouth drinking hot chocolate
He's so smart that he knows the difference between steam, vapor and mist
He's so smart that if he had a column it would be called "ask a smart guy" and it would blow your mind!
He's so smart that if thermometers measured brain power, not heat, he still wouldn't take it rectally
He's so smart that to him long division is more like short division
Hes so smart he did his taxes using an abacas, and still got a refund… in beads!
so smart he does the SATs for fun, in his underwear
So smart he can figure out Mad magazine fold-ins, without even folding them!
So smart that his name is synonymous with smart which is why if you hit me I will say "ouch, that [guest name]s"
He's so smart that it's not even funny, it's just impressive!
He's so smart that the first word he ever said was dada, but he wasn't referring to his father, he was referring to the cultural movement
(or: He's so smart that like most kids, the first word he ever said was dada, but unlike most kids, he was referring to the cultural movement)
He's so smart that he knows exactly what price to start the bidding at on ebay
He's so smart that he knows the real names for all the pieces on a chess board. even the horsies!
He's so smart that he's never lost a game of hangman
She's so smart that if facts were hot dogs, she'd be takeru kobayashi—before the freaky jaw problem
She's so smart that her brain barely fits in her head
She's so smart that she had to get her head stretched to fit her brain. Sadly now none of her hats fit
She's so smart that she never believed in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy
She's so smart that she knows which came first, the chicken or the egg, but for reasons I don't understand, refuses to tell anyone.
She's so smart that she knows how to use the graphing function on her scientific calculator!
So smart he can speak esperanto, but chooses not to.
So smart he always knows the perfect ratio of coffee grounds to water
So smart he never messes up you're and your
(but once he messed up too and to)
So smart he pronounces harassment [harASSment] like harassment [HAIRassment]
So smart he knows how to call any sort of hotline and get a live human instantly. Well, not instantly, but pretty quickly
So smart as a child he actually taught his parents how to tie their shoes and tell time
So smart he never messes up left and right
So smart he can find any sunken chest or hidden treasure in less than ten minutes
So smart he's no longer allowed to compete in televised game shows
so smart that when he has that dream where he's back in school and there's a big test he didn't prepare for he aces it
so smart that when he's bored he doodles... the periodic table of the elements
he's so smart that if you cheated off him in school you'd have to make sure to fudge a couple answers or else the teacher would totally know you cheated—that's how smart he is! and how dumb you are!
he's so smart he can operate a short wave radio
he's so smart he knows just how long to put things in the microwave for
So smart he's never once called tech support in his entire life
So smart tech support calls him for assistance
So smart he can put together an Ikea bookshelf without any pieces left over
So smart crossword puzzles do him!
So interesting he can't even put his computer to sleep?
So smart he doesn't even use spellcheck
So smart he knows the difference between entomology and etymology
so SMART he knows what I'm going to say before I say it... in Latin!
He's so quick/smart that what a regular person can accomplish in a New York minute only takes him a New York second
He's so smart that when he tells you why you're wrong and he's right it's less annoying than if he were just some dumb guy doing it
9/14/2007
So smart…
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1 comment:
I haven't posted in "It's Just Wordplay" for a while...but here is another attempt at airtime!
If brains were a hot tub, I'd strip off all my clothes and get inside of her.
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