Intro effluvia

For all the intros that get their moment of filthy glory on air, there are zillions that get emailed back and forth. Here are some:

She's so smart if brains were coins I'd roll her in my bedroom till I was ready to make a deposit

If brains were mosquitos, a little biting and sucking would make him engorged

If brains were textbooks, students would throw him down on the bed and then go have a snack

If brains were my midsection, I'd squeeze him into my jeans

If brains were a butcher counter's service bell. I'd ding him and wait for meat

If brains were a broken down car, I'd service him on the side of the road

If brains were a broken down car, I'd slide under him and begin cranking.


jim treacher said...

Alison Rosen: If collecting Gutfeld's double entendres was a baseball, I'd swat her with my wood.

scott said...

If writing blogs was a small freckle, I'd lose it on Allison's face.

scott said...

If never appearing on Red Eye was a relay baton, I'd give it to Jim from behind.

scott said...

If approving my first comment swiftly, but not as much the second one, was a stamp, I'd lick Allison's backside.

PowWow said...

I humbly bow before the genius and hotness of Alison Rosen.

If beauty were a basketball game, I'd never call a timeout on her.

Jason said...

If beauty was a teenage boy's pimple, I would pop you before the prom.

Ted from Accounting said...


Your like the puppet master in this twisted little world! I love it!

If beauty was an untapped oil well, I'd pump her until she exploded!

Ted from Accounting said...

You have to admit the "facts of life" one on your MS page was at least original! :)

Ok, here is another attempt to impress Miss Booya.

If sexiness were a Red Eye, I'd squirt my personal Visine in her face every morning!

What? It's a medical thing!

ted from accounting said...

If sexiness were a hickey, I would have her all over my body...and proudly display her during beach visits.

I have a great story to share from the club tonight...I will MS it tomorrow, I need my beauty sleep.

Ted your Grotesque Side Kick said...

The beauty battery has been recharged and this one came to me within a dream...imagine that!

He's so smart, if brains were a ménage à trois, he'd have a pair.

Ted said...

If intelligence was a slurpee, I suck him inside a 7-11 and then eat some Boston Baked Beans.

Ted said...

If intelligence was a flashlight, I'd turn her on in the dark.

Ted said...

1. If beauty was cotton candy, I'd eat her until my tongue was pink ...and I had a belly ache.

2. If intelligence was a nuclear submarine, I'd go down on her in the water...with some sailors. (I kinda remember something like this being used before)

3. If sexiness was scoring in a game of Skeeball, I'd put it in her hard to reach hole every time. (LOL)

4. If beauty was a traveling on a city bus, I'd pay to ride her...in the presence of strangers.