She's so cute…

so cute she's cuter than a pet turtle that has its own smaller pet turtle

so cute that if she were a Grey's Anatomy character she'd be McCutie

so cute she puts the cute in prosecutor

so cute nine out of ten manicurists agree that even her cuticles are cute

She's so cute she's cuter than a hello kitty lunchbox with a garfield thermos in it

she's cuter than a ziggy wall calendar

so cute she can't go anywhere without getting pulled over for unlawful cuteness

so cute she has to carry a permit

so cute that if she were a dinosaur she'd be a cute-ceratops (or a cute-osaurus rex). her best friend would be a cute-icorn.

so cute that cars in front of her should have bumper stickers that say "if you can read this, you're too cute"

so cute that her bathroom mirror has a warning that says "objects in mirror may appear cuter than they are"

so cute that when she flies internationally (or: when she goes through customs), she has to declare her cuteness.

once she smuggled it in a shampoo bottle!

so cute that if cuteness were pot, stoners would bake her into a brownie

so cute that hallmark tried to buy the rights to her image

so cute that in high school she was always getting busted for public displays of cuteness

so cute she's cuter than a forest of bonsai trees

so cute keebler elves made her their mascot

so cute her friends always let her go first in monopoly because how could you say no to someone that cute?

so cute she literally wrote the book on cuteness. it's called the book on cuteness and it started as her dissertation (grad school thesis)

so cute she's cuter than a gnome battling a thunderstorm with a cocktail umbrella

so cute she's cuter than a smurf using a cocktail umbrella

so cute she's cuter than an army of ants carrying something 40 times their weight

so cute she's cuter than an army of ants carrying something 40 times their weight... like a puppy!

so cute she was made the editor at large of cute weekly

so cute that spiders won't even bite her

so cute that if she gained a bunch of weight she'd still be really cute, just cute and pudgy/fat

So cute that she holds the Guinness World Book record for cuteness, beating out a baby seal and a miniature horse wearing tiny sneakers

So cute that she could say something horribly racist and you'd probably let it slide because she's so cute!

So cute that she when she sneezes it's as if she sprays a fine mist of cuteness all around her

She's so cute that if she invented a color, it'd be pink

She's so cute that even bitchy high school girls think she's cute

She's so cute that even cheerleaders think she's cute

She's so cute that zoologists tried to raise her by hand

She's so cute that zoologists tried to hand feed her

So cute that she's often called upon by members of the media to speak out on the topic of being cute, making her something of a cute expert.

So cute that when she was a baby other babies around her stopped even trying to be cute, because what's the point, that's how cute she is

So cute she had to get her cuteness insured for five billion gazillion trillion dollars. Still not enough, if you ask me.

So cute she could have a parasite like ringworm or tapeworm and you'd still think she's cute

She's so cute that if she were walking an adorable puppy down the street people would stop the puppy to play with her!

cuter than identical twins.... dressed identically!

so cute she could make a sandwich out of baby heads and you'd still think she's cute.

so cute she could wear a coat made of baby seals and Peta wouldn't even spray her with ketchup.

she's so cute her driver's license photo looks like a glamor shot

Cuter than the face a baby makes when dreaming about breastfeeding

Cuter than a baby dreaming about puppies wearing sweaters. And not just any puppies but labradoodles.

So cute if she were a healthy cereal it'd be called cute-nuts and people would probably sprinkle it on their yogurt

So cute she could stab you with a letter opener and even though it would hurt, you'd still think she's cute

So cute she can use the express lane at the grocery store even if she's buying more than 10 items and no one minds!

So cute people always let her cut in line. Especially at the free clinic where she does cute outreach.

So cute she could give away free carwashes and people would still give her money. She'd probably turn around and give it to ugly people, that's how cute she is.

So cute if you mixed her with nuts and raisins you could call it cute mix and four out of five campers (outdoors enthusiasts) would prefer it to trail mix!

she's cuter than a stable full of my pretty ponies

she's cuter than a canopy bed covered with kittens

she's cuter than a Barbie suitcase full of strawberry shortcake dolls

(could add: covered in the Little Mermaid's blood OR covered in pixie dust)

So cute she's cuter than the 12 Pillsbury dough boys and 16 ducklings

So cute she's cuter than Bambi

So cute she's cuter than Glomer, punky brewster's friend who lived at the end of a rainbow

So cute Care Bears commit hari kari around her

So cute she doesn't even have to dot her I's with hearts or draw smiley faces in her o's

so cute she makes babies look like trolls

so cute she makes puppies look like gremlins. not the cute ones, but the ugly green ones.

so cute she once dressed up as cupid for halloween and people thought she was dressed as herself

so cute she once dressed as cupid for halloween and people asked why she didn't dress up

so cute she makes muppet babies weep

so cute she goes confetti in her diaper

so cute she's cuter than Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail

so cute she's cuter than Meg Ryan, and everyone thinks she's cute

So cute she's cuter than a puppy tripping on its own ears

So cute she's cuter than basset hound tripping on its own ears

So cute that if she were to invent a toiletry it would be cute-tips. Sadly she'd probably get sued by Q-tips

Cuter than all four of the designing women

She's so cute that teenage girls get in trouble for writing her name on
their keds

So cute she's cuter than people posting pictures of their cats on the internet

So cute she's cuter than a little kid trying to pronounce a word and getting it totally wrong

So cute she's cuter than when the dogs eat spaghetti in the lady and the tramp

So cute she's cuter than the robot from Short Circuit

So cute she's cuter than a dog with a piece of confetti stuck to its nose

so cute that the franklin mint can't keep her limited edition collectors plate in stock

So cute that if she were one of the seven dwarfs she'd be cutie.

So cute that you might think she wears a cute suit but she doesn't, she's really that cute!

So cute that she tests positive for cuteness and doctors agree there's nothing they can do (doctors agree its terminal)

She's so cute that teenage girls get in trouble for doodling her on their keds

So cute she donates smiles to charity

So cute that old people leap out of wheelchairs to pinch her cheeks.

So cute that her cheeks are constantly sore from people trying to pinch them

So cute she’s cuter than a preemie that’s small enough to be cute but old enough to not be deformed

So cute she’s cuter than a brand new baby that’s small enough to be cute but old enough not to have a deformed head


So cute she’s cuter than a chicken pecking a song on a tiny piano


She's so cute when she was born the doctor said "congratulations, it's a-dorable!"

She's so cute she's cuter than a threeway between jem and the holograms, josie and the pussycats and rainbow brite

She's so cute she's cuter than a jem and the holograms sandwich dipped in josie and the pussycats gravy washed down with a refreshing glass of freshly squeezed rainbow brite

Cuter than a toddler pushing a puppy in a stroller

Cuter than tweetie bird and woodstock combined

Cuter than a photomontage of a labrador raising a litter of puppies but one of them is a duckling that also lives on the farm

Cuter than a kid saying the darnedest thing!

So cute that if they were to make a movie version of her life they'd probably have to get a chipmunk or a smurf to play her, that's how cute she is!

She's so cute that she could borrow your favorite album, probably We Sing Silly Songs, or Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul on audiobook, and never return it and you wouldn't even get mad.

Cuter than a bag of sleeping kittens left in the backseat of a car, but with the window cracked


Cuter than a pile of stillborns... I mean still lifes! A pile of paintings! She's cuter than paintings of fruit, which everyone knows are very cute!


Cuter than a bag full of sleeping kittens... Tied to a brick at the bottom of the ocean


Cuter than an omelet with bits of Wilbur and Babe in it!

She's so cute that if it turned out she were a serial killer her neighbors would be surprised and "[guest name]? But she was so cute"

She's so cute her neighbors are always knocking on her door asking to borrow a cup of cute.

She's so cute you might think she hatched from cute eggs.... if you didn't really understand where babies came from.

She might wash down the babyhead sandwich with a puppy smoothie. or a pina colada made of puppies.